The Stop People Pleasing Action Plan: Be Yourself
Be yourself! Your days of being a people pleaser are over. From here on out,
you’re going to learn a new way to think about being nice – without being
ground into the dirt for doing so.
The 4-Step Stop People Pleasing Action Plan:
To be yourself takes confidence and a whole lot of courage. By now you're already
cultivating a certain strength by merely standing up and learning how to say
‘no.’ Now it’s time for the next step,
and it’s a tough one.
You’re going to
have to be you. Be yourself absolutely, beautifully, un-apologetically
Once upon a
time, you already knew how to do this. It’s when
we grow older that we learn to doubt ourselves. We layer on other
people’s expectations and then start
taking on their needs as our own. After a while,
it’s not uncommon to start feeling a little lost when asked who you are.
Chances are, you might not even know how to answer anymore.
The good news
is, it’s not too late to figure that out.
You can start
by asking yourself several questions, a kind of ‘getting to know yourself’
interview. The goal here is to find out all about who your favorite person
should be: You.
did you dream about being when you were a child?
was the last time you laughed so hard you cried? What happened?
activities get your heart pumping?
the last thing you looked forward to and
the first thing you grab from your closet? Why?
you could go anywhere or do anything with money as no object, what would you
years from now, and you’re at the end of your life. What are the things you’re
proudest of doing? What do you need to do today to have those accomplishments?
do you dream about most often?
unique about you?
10.What would your friends say is their favorite thing about you?
11.Who do you feel the most ‘you’ around?
The answers to
these questions should give you a little clearer idea of who you are, and who
you want to be.
It might be
you're feeling a bit dissatisfied with the results – and that's normal.
Everyone has things they're not happy about in their lives. The question is,
are you going to let yourself be bogged down by the past, or are you ready to
look forward, beyond all those things to you
who you can be starting today?
Part of having
the kind of confidence that it takes to be yourself is that
you’re going to have to learn how to love yourself, every part of you, warts
having a little trouble with that concept, You can start with some simple actions.
1. Embrace the you of today
You’re here, and that’s a marvelous miracle! Start with a hard look in the
mirror. Then without judgment, without regrets or a whole lot of ‘shoulds’ (as
in, “I should lose weight” or “I should do something to clear up that acne”)
you need to look at the person in the mirror and tell them the hardest thing
you’ll ever say:
If you can start every single day with that long look, and those two
simple words, you’re going to find out something exciting – eventually you’re
going to start believing it. Eventually you will find that beautiful acceptance
of who you are.
For the record? You are
amazing. Don't believe it? Talk to the person who knows you best – you.
2. Take care of yourself
People pleasers are
used to taking care of those around them first – usually to the detriment of
their health and sanity. That has to
That means putting the time and effort into caring for your physical
health and your mental health as well.
Embrace the things that help you to grow emotionally. Commit to getting
your body into better physical shape. Why is this so important?
Confidence comes from a place of good health. It’s hard to feel good
about yourself when you just plain aren’t feeling good. So, take the time and
do what it takes to get to that better place.
As a side note, don't feel bad if you need some help in this area. A
visit to the doctor is a significant first step toward setting healthy goals
It might be you want to sign up for a personal trainer at the gym to
jump start your workout. Or to visit a counselor to help with the more
Whatever it takes to put yourself in order, don't be afraid to do
it. By using the resources around you, you'll find that your progress is that
much faster than it would be otherwise. In the worst-case scenario, you'll be
building a support team in the meantime.
3. Do the things that
The things that scare
you are the things that help you to grow. So, sign up for that class or talk to
the person you’ve been crushing on for the last year.
4. What’s on your ‘To Do’
It’s time for some goals. Break a habit, build a new one. Pursue
that dream you’ve been holding onto for too long. It’s time for action.
Remember, whatever you’re trying to accomplish, you’ll get a lot further if you
have someone to make you accountable, so be sure to share what you are trying
to accomplish with someone else.
5. Who’s got your back?
It’s too hard to improve yourself without support. Look at your
friends and ask yourself who in the group has always had your back? Who is your
cheerleader? If you find out that you don’t have a lot of positive friends –
and that’s likely because when we don’t like ourselves, we tend to surround
ourselves with people that don’t treat us very well – it might be time to make
some new friends.
Spend time with people who allow you to be yourself – the true, positive, and
more confident you.
Something to remember: as hard as it seems, it might be time to
evaluate some friendships. The people who are used to the people-pleaser and
have been taking advantage of you on a regular basis are the ones who need
Remember what you’ve learned – use that positive stance as you stand up for
yourself, and practice saying no. If those people aren’t respecting these
boundaries, it might be time to close out those friendships. You cannot afford
to keep friends who are going to keep trying to drag you back to your old life.
6. Embrace the things that
make you unique
People pleasers are notorious for trying to be what they’re not. Too
worried about being unique, they become especially adept at blending in, in
becoming invisible or just like anybody else. The new, more confident you need to not only accept the qualities that make
you extraordinary but needs to embrace
them. These are the parts of you that make you special. Accept those with
confidence. Let the world see who you are!
comparing yourself to others, or worse, trying to impress them
People pleasers get caught up in a cycle of doing things for others because
they see themselves lacking. They place their worth in other people’s opinions
of them. It’s a vicious cycle that
damages your self-esteem and doesn’t really change people’s opinions of you –
at least in a positive manner.
Again, the only way through this is to accept you for who you are –
and to become content with that person.
Having the guts to just be yourself is one of the most
powerful steps you can take to breaking the people-pleasing habit.
Once you are happy with yourself, suddenly the opinions of
the people you so badly want to please, just won’t matter that much.
Taking action and doing something to be yourself is very empowering. Think
back on a time when you've taken a stand or done something to change
your situation instead of complaining about it. I bet your confidence
went through the roof once you started talking action.
here on out, I want you to think of complaining as a clue to take
action. When you hear yourself complain about something, or when you
start thinking about complaining, stop and ask yourself what you can do
about it. What can you do to change and improve the situation? Not only
is it much more productive use of your time and energy than whining and
complaining, it is also a great way to build your courage and self-confidence and be yourself.
Say No and Other Confidence Boosters