The Stop People Pleasing Action Plan: Put Yourself First

Put Yourself First!  Your days of being a people pleaser are over. From here on out, you’re going to learn a new way to think about being nice – without being ground into the dirt for doing so.

The 4-Step Stop People Pleasing Action Plan:
Put Yourself First

·           Stand up

·           Say No

·           Be Yourself

·           Put Yourself First

The absolute hardest part about turning away from being a people pleaser is this reason right here. Let’s face it, you’ve never been good at putting yourself first, or you wouldn’t be in this situation.


People pleasers are used to looking after the needs of others and have done so for so long that turning your back now, can feel almost impossible. No matter how much work you’ve done on your confidence, and all the times you’ve said ‘no’ already – it’s still hard to consistently put your needs first.


Why is this? A little discussion in deeper detail should help clarify not only your reasons but also the way out.

1. You’re responsible for others
This belief is one of the biggest reasons you’ve jumped in to help others in the past. Somewhere in your history, you've got this idea that you were in charge of others. You think that it is up to you to make sure that the world around you is happy, healthy, and running along at a smooth pace.


The reason why this happened might be a subject for therapy. The problem is, trying to get past this idea now is almost impossible – or at least feels that way.


The first thing you need to realize is that unless you’re the CEO or possibly a deity of some kind, you’re not responsible for the world around you.

That isn’t to say you might not be in charge of the safety and well-being of others. There are several jobs (parents, teachers, medical personnel, etc.) who do have the responsibility of keeping those around them safe and happy. But you need to be honest with yourself here. Are you looking after only those in your direct care – or have you extended that same courtesy to those outside of that scope?


The people pleaser tends to draw everyone under their umbrella regardless of things like duty or responsibility.


It’s time to take a step back. The next time someone asks you for something ask yourself if this is your responsibility or not. If not, then it might be a good time to say no.


2. No one will like you
This is one of the most damaging reasons to be a people pleaser there is. If your self-worth is tied up in what you can do for others, then it's inevitable that people will take advantage of you and hurt you badly when they're done getting what they need. For the sake of your mental health, you need to step away and put the focus on liking yourself. What you need to realize is that if you genuinely think that you're terrific, and the world will too.


3. You take pride in being the superhero
et’s face it, being the person who is always the one to come to the rescue is addictive. So are the accolades. But ask yourself just how much this action benefits you in the long run? Sooner or later, the world starts expecting you to be the one to bail them out and that honestly gets exhausting. Are you sure this is what you want to do to yourself?


4. You don’t deserve anything better
When your self-image is poor, you very naturally start putting the needs of people around you first over your own. It's easy to see why. If you don't think you deserve anything good in your life, you're certainly not going to be taking care of yourself.

That has to stop. Whatever it takes, it’s time to heal the image of yourself that you hold. You are worth better than this.


So how do you get past this? It all starts with being assertive and putting your own needs first. After all, you can’t take care of anyone else properly unless you first take care of yourself.


·      Change your expectations. You deserve respect, so start expecting it. Just by carrying yourself as a person worthy of respect, you’re more apt to get it from the world around you.


·      Wear your heart on your sleeve. Don’t be afraid to let the world see how you feel.


·      Speak up. Your opinions matter let the world hear them. That doesn't mean carrying your crusades in a belligerent manner. But do stand up for the things that matter deeply to you.


·      Say no. We’ve already talked about this, but it bears saying again. Don’t let the world tell you what you’re going to do next. Take back control. You’re the one who decides your fate, not someone else.


·      Be consistent. If you’ve already said no, don’t change your mind. Stick with your decisions.


·      Ask for the things you that you want. If there’s something you need, maybe it’s time to express that desire to someone else in your circle of acquaintances. What’s the worst that can happen? If they say no, then move on, and ask someone else.


·      Learn to create priorities - and place taking care of yourself at the top. If you’re being asked to do something that is detrimental to you somehow, then it should be an easy ‘no.’


·      Don’t be afraid to screw up. Mistakes are a natural part of life. Don’t let that shake your confidence or your self-image. Just pick yourself up and keep going.


And most of all: Remember why you're doing this. The world isn't going to take advantage of you anymore. You have value and worth. You have every right to pursue your happiness.


Isn't it time you did something for you?

In the end, the only way to stop being a People Pleaser is to take charge of your life. You need to attack the world with the faith and confidence of several facts:






The people pleaser in you has allowed the world to take priority over you for long enough.Put yourself first!


It’s not selfish to take care of yourself. So, stand up for yourself! Show the world that magnificent, confident person that you’ve been hiding for so long.


Remember these steps to standing up for yourself, and you’re going to be just fine.


·           Stand up

·           Say “No”

·           Be Yourself

·           Put Yourself First


You’ve got this.


Put yourself first. Now is your time to show the world what you’re made of!

To put yourself first is very empowering. Think back on a time when you've taken a stand or done something to change your situation instead of complaining about it. I bet your confidence went through the roof once you started talking action.

From here on out, I want you to think of complaining as a clue to take action. When you hear yourself complain about something, or when you start thinking about complaining, stop and ask yourself what you can do about it. What can you do to change and improve the situation? Not only is it much more productive use of your time and energy than whining and complaining, it is also a great way to build your courage and self-confidence and put yourself first.

Put Yourself First and Other Confidence Boosters