The Stop People Pleasing Action Plan: Put Yourself First
Put Yourself First! Your days of being a people pleaser are over. From here on out,
you’re going to learn a new way to think about being nice – without being
ground into the dirt for doing so.
The 4-Step Stop People Pleasing Action Plan:
Put Yourself First
The absolute hardest part about turning away from being a
people pleaser is this reason right here. Let’s face it, you’ve never been good
at putting yourself first, or you wouldn’t be in this situation.
People pleasers are used to looking after the needs of others
and have done so for so long that turning your back now, can feel almost
impossible. No matter how much work you’ve done on your confidence, and all the
times you’ve said ‘no’ already – it’s still hard to consistently put your needs
Why is this? A
little discussion in deeper detail should help clarify not only your reasons
but also the way out.
1. You’re responsible for others
This belief is one of the biggest reasons you’ve jumped in to help others
in the past. Somewhere in your history, you've got
this idea that you were in charge of others. You think that it is up to you to
make sure that the world around you is happy, healthy, and running along at a
The reason why this happened might
be a subject for therapy. The problem is, trying to get past this idea now is
almost impossible – or at least feels that way.
The first thing you need to realize
is that unless you’re the CEO or possibly a deity of some kind, you’re not
responsible for the world around you.
That isn’t to say you might not be in charge of the safety and well-being of
others. There are several jobs (parents, teachers, medical personnel, etc.) who
do have the responsibility of keeping
those around them safe and happy. But
you need to be honest with yourself here. Are you looking after only those in
your direct care – or have you extended that same courtesy to those outside of
The people pleaser tends to draw
everyone under their umbrella regardless of things like duty or responsibility.
It’s time to take a step back. The
next time someone asks you for something ask yourself if this is your
responsibility or not. If not, then it might be a good time to say no.
2. No one will like you
This is one of the most damaging
reasons to be a people pleaser there is. If your self-worth is tied up in what
you can do for others, then it's inevitable that people will take advantage of
you and hurt you badly when they're done getting what they need. For the sake
of your mental health, you need to step away and put the focus on liking
yourself. What you need to realize is that if you genuinely think that you're
terrific, and the world will too.
3. You take pride in being the superhero
Let’s face it, being the person who is always the one to come to the rescue
is addictive. So are the accolades. But ask yourself just how much this action
benefits you in the long run? Sooner or later, the world starts expecting you
to be the one to bail them out and that honestly gets exhausting. Are you sure
this is what you want to do to yourself?
4. You don’t deserve anything better
When your self-image is poor, you very naturally start putting the needs of
people around you first over your own. It's easy to see why. If you don't think
you deserve anything good in your life, you're certainly not going to be taking
care of yourself.
has to stop. Whatever it takes, it’s time to heal the image of yourself
that you hold. You are worth better than this.
So how do you get past this? It all starts with being
assertive and putting your own needs first. After all, you can’t take care of
anyone else properly unless you first take care of yourself.
your expectations. You deserve respect, so start expecting it. Just by
carrying yourself as a person worthy of respect, you’re more apt to get it from
the world around you.
heart on your sleeve. Don’t be afraid to let the world see how you feel.
Your opinions matter let the world hear them. That doesn't mean carrying your
crusades in a belligerent manner. But do stand up for the things that matter
deeply to you.
We’ve already talked about this, but it bears saying again. Don’t let the world
tell you what you’re going to do next. Take back control. You’re the one who
decides your fate, not someone else.
consistent. If you’ve already said no, don’t change your mind. Stick with
the things you that you want. If there’s something you need, maybe it’s
time to express that desire to someone else in your circle of acquaintances.
What’s the worst that can happen? If they say no, then move on, and ask someone
create priorities - and place taking care of yourself at the top. If you’re
being asked to do something that is detrimental to you somehow, then it should
be an easy ‘no.’
afraid to screw up. Mistakes are a natural part of life. Don’t let that
shake your confidence or your self-image.
Just pick yourself up and keep going.
And most of all: Remember
why you're doing this. The world isn't going to take advantage of you
anymore. You have value and worth. You have every right to pursue your
Isn't it time you did something for you?
In the end, the only way to stop being a People
Pleaser is to take charge of your life. You need to attack the world with the
faith and confidence of several facts:
YOU ARE AMAZING
YOU ARE WORTHWHILE
YOU DESERVE GOOD THINGS
pleaser in you has allowed the world to take priority over you for long enough.Put yourself first!
selfish to take care of yourself. So, stand up for yourself! Show the world
that magnificent, confident person that you’ve been hiding for so long.
steps to standing up for yourself, and
you’re going to be just fine.
You’ve got this.
Put yourself first. Now is your
time to show the world what you’re made of!
To put yourself first is very empowering. Think
back on a time when you've taken a stand or done something to change
your situation instead of complaining about it. I bet your confidence
went through the roof once you started talking action.
here on out, I want you to think of complaining as a clue to take
action. When you hear yourself complain about something, or when you
start thinking about complaining, stop and ask yourself what you can do
about it. What can you do to change and improve the situation? Not only
is it much more productive use of your time and energy than whining and
complaining, it is also a great way to build your courage and self-confidence and put yourself first.
Put Yourself First and Other Confidence Boosters