The Stop People Pleasing Action Plan: Stand Up for Yourself

The Stop People Pleasing Action Plan: Your days of being a people pleaser are over. From here on out, you’re going to learn a new way to think about being nice – without being ground into the dirt for doing so.

The 4-Step Stop People Pleasing Action Plan:
Stand Up for Yourself

·           Stand up

·           Say “No”

·           Be Yourself

·           Put Yourself First

The first step in learning how to stop people pleasing is to stand up for yourself. Let’s face it, a lot of the reason why anyone is taken advantage of is that they let them. Silence becomes permission.

Standing up for yourself isn’t always easy.

Most of us don’t like to face confrontation, so we go along with the status quo. If that sounds like you, then this section is where you need to pay some serious attention as we explore a variety of things you can do to stand up for yourself.

1. Be real

It’s impossible to stand up for yourself if no one is listening to what you have to say. The trick here is that you have to give others something worth listening to, and that starts with your genuine self.

People respond best to someone who is open and honest about who they are.


2. Concentrate on baby steps
It’s normal to want to change overnight, but it doesn’t work that way most of the time. Anytime you want to learn a new habit, such as how to stop people pleasing, it’s best to take the changes in small pieces. Start with being assertive in little ways and work your way up as you get used to this new approach.

3. Stay calm

When asserting yourself the first time or two you can expect some pushback. When that happens, the last thing you need is to get caught up in other peoples drama.

Try to remain calm and refuse to respond without carefully thinking about your words. Even if you keep calm in the face of adversity, keep in mind that you never have to sit still for abuse. Quietly state your case, and if need be, walk away. Never allow anyone to mistreat you.


4. Remember to speak up
You’re not standing up for yourself if no one knows your intentions. Use language that makes your position clear without overstating the case. At the same time, you need to be clear in what you’re saying. Leave no doubt what you mean.


5. Fine tune your argument
Chances are you’re going to have to clarify what you’re trying to say at some point. Make sure you have salient points to back up your position. Avoid emotional arguments, because people will not take you seriously if you get too defensive.


6. Make assertiveness a habit
It takes time to create a new pattern to follow. Like any other habit, you need to practice standing up for yourself daily. Look for opportunities to be assertive every single day until it’s second nature to stand up for yourself.


7. Protect your resources
There are only so many hours in a day. Be assertive about how you spend your time. Don’t allow anyone to take over your schedule.


8. Agree to disagree
There are going to be times when you reach an impasse. Maybe you had good reasons to stand up for yourself, but they also had a good reason for wasting your time. Sometimes the best solution is to agree to disagree, and then both parties step back for the sake of not creating a situation that’s only going to devolve into an argument.


9. Don’t let anyone else tell you how you feel
Right or wrong, you’re feeling what you’re feeling. If you think you’re being taken advantage of, then it doesn’t matter whether you are or not. It does matter that you let others know your concerns and how you feel about the situation. Standing up for yourself is about validation more than it’s about being right (though it’s nice to be right too sometimes). 


10. Act “as if”
In therapy they tell you to act “as if,” meaning that even if you’re not feeling a certain way, to pretend as if you are. The concept of faking it until you make it has proven to have success in a variety of fields. Areas from finding happiness, to a multitude of other problems. The basic premise is that if you act a certain way (like being happy) that you will actually feel satisfied after a while. In this case, you might find that pretending to be assertive will lead to feelings of actual assertiveness. Instead of, "Fake it 'til you make it," I prefer, "Face it 'til you make it."

Taking action and doing something about the circumstances or things you don't like is very empowering. Think back on a time when you've taken a stand or done something to change your situation instead of complaining about it. I bet your confidence went through the roof once you started talking action.

From here on out, I want you to think of complaining as a clue to take action. When you hear yourself complain about something, or when you start thinking about complaining, stop and ask yourself what you can do about it. What can you do to change and improve the situation? Not only is it much more productive use of your time and energy than whining and complaining, it is also a great way to build your courage and self-confidence and stop people pleasing.

Stop people pleasing and Other Confidence Boosters